That's at least what I am going for. My pursuit for the Recreational User has to be one that makes me hopeful for the future...part of an attempt to coax whatever hopelessness I've carried with me and sweat it out. Or in some cases, cry it out.
My girlfriend was right to be mad at me this morning. I slept in till mutha-fuckin 12:30pm. This is traditionally the part of the post where I would type an extended explanation about how I'm a piece of shit, worthless to everyone, don't deserve to be happy, etc. So I guess it's kinda still there...but I don't want to believe it. Normally these incredibly emotional exchanges with my girlfriend, which are only about one thing-me being a fucking loser, leave me a total wreak. My eyes water up, I think about all my failures all at once, and the opening at the top of the well seems further than ever.
Well, my ankles are soaked by now of course...the water will eventually reach my neck. Who knows how far it will rise before I finally climb out-but at least I've figured this much out: I will not rise to the surface with the water and escape...I will drown.
So that's what being a pothead gets you kids. Nothing. There are successful and happy people out there who do smoke. Who knows how often. It's up to me to not let this morning phase me and continue to find tools to make my life better. I want to keep smoking pot. I will be the Recreational User.
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